You've picked up your Tight-ass Tuesday cut price movie ticket, worked your way through a bag of Twisties, a bucket of cola and a choc-top and are now settling back for a couple of hours of premium Matt Damon action.

But who let the local RSL outing in? We're only five minutes in with the lights barely dimmed and already every other line has been repeated by multiple voices for the benefit of those whose hearing is battery-powered.

Then the scrunching starts. Why in the world do multiplex owners sell candy with three layers of packaging, all of which are made from the noisiest cellophane known to science?

Next, the Nokia Symphony drowns out all else, closely followed by the loudly whispered phrase "I'll have to talk quietly, I'm at the movies" or similar.

And the chewing gum you've just gripped is so fresh it's still warm. And the pop corn you've been offered feels like it has been recycled via the carpet three times. And they've got the reels in the wrong order so the final movie stand-off happens after twenty minutes.

Then just as you forget all the distractions and turn your attention to addressing the ripened pimple that's been brewing for days, the one and only quiet moment of the movie takes you by surprise and the distinctive 'pop' of zit pressure released, echoes around the walls.

Faces turn in your direction as you resolve to renew your relationship with the local DVD store.

Sounds familiar? Even when you're in the dark, it's a good idea to leave the zit treatment to Clearasil Vanishing Treatment Cream.